Love in guiltness

Dear...

Nov 21st, Fri - The first kiss...
Quite shock but i can't describe the feelings..
I tot it was the last but it just the beginning of our complicated feelings..

Start from the day, we need about 1 - 2 weeks to control ourself..

Today -
We did feel the same but still under control (eventhough not 100%)..

Dear...
I miss you but I hate myself because of this feeling.
I just wonder how can we both drop in this trap
Yeah..playing scandals
I believe this is the most stupid thing that i ever did

I wish to throw the feeling without any regret
I wish to forget the moments without hurting anyone (specially myself)
I wish to right the things with the right way
May Allah help us to stop all this...
Amin...

SA dear

sa dear..

i miss u...
miss u so much...
do u feel the same?

dear..
i wish to talk with you..
wish to share everything with you
even though u r not mine...

The words that i couldnt say to you..

Dear My Big Bro...

Sorry for still missing you..
i did try to control myself
really strugle for it until now

On the day we went out together (last monday)
i never plan for it
but really appreciate for every single thing u have done
wiling to acompany me..waiting for me..& hav a lunch with me
during the day, i keep talking to myself
ask me to behave..don't ever shows my actual feeling..
in other word, acting!
yeah..i did it

Until yesterday, i tot i've manage to "cleanup my disk"
but actually i cant
i was thinking of someone else but accidently calling your name
i've tried few times but again, still saying your name
Sorry bro...

My dear bro..
always praying for you
wish a guidance & blessing for you
eventhough we are not meant together
but really wish to be your sister in Islam
May Allah bless you with happily life in dunia & akhirat
Take care my dear bro..

SORRY..

sorry for still keep this feeling..
sorry for missing u..

Beraya di office..

Hari ni raye ke-3 but aku dah masuk office.
Semuanye lengang...parking umah aku..jalanraya..office..
Best nye kalo tiap2 ari camni.
Tapi office aku pn lengang gak..(yg ni x best)..
huhu..

I'm Struggling

Bro dear..
I'm struggling now..
could you help me?...
at least for the last time...
please...
:'(

Doa Perpisahan

Pertemuan kita di suatu hari
Menitikan ukhuah yang sejati
Bersyukur ku ke hadrat Ilahi
Di atas jalinan yang suci

Namun kini perpisahan yang terjadi
Dugaan yang menimpa diri
Bersabarlah di atas suratan
Ku tetap pergi jua

Kan ku utuskan salam ingatanku
Dalam doa kudus ku sepanjang waktu
Ya Allah, bantulah hamba Mu
Dalam mendidikkan kesabaran ku
Ya Allah, tabahkan hati hamba Mu
di atas perpisahan ini

Senyuman yang tersirat di bibir mu
Menjadi ingatan sepanjang waktu
Kenang ku di dalam doa mu
Semoga Tuhan berkati Mu

My SweetDream.. Good Bye Dear..

Ya Allah..
Dengan nama Mu yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Pengasih..
Hanya Engkau tempat aku memohon dan mengadu..
Hanya Engkau yang sangat mengerti segala isi hati kami..
Semoga Engkau sentiasa melindungi kami dari segala kemungkaran, Ya Allah...

Dalam keizinan-Mu, aku titipkan sebahagian perbualan kami.
Semoga ini menjadi peringatan kepada ku
dan juga sebagai tanda kenangan kepada sebuah persahabatan bersulam secebis perasaan...

********************************************************************

ct says:
i baru perasan..lately ni i tak brape cakap dengan u
ct says:
kat ofis

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
bab i pun selalu kat training room,
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
sebenarnye i free hari ni, nak bukak puasa ngan siti,
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
tu sebab i ade kat sini mlm ni,
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
esok mlm i kena pergi tempat makcik lak,

ct says:
ic..
ct says:
actually, sometimes i memang purposely avoid to talk much with u

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
so sorry siti
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
nape?

ct says:
sebab i teringat, u dah nak kawen..
ct says:
so i takut nanti i susahkan u
ct says:
or kacau u

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
it's ok

ct says:
sebab tu la i prefer x cakap banyak
ct says:
tp kadang2 i rindu kat u
ct says:
yang ni, i pun confuse

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
i pun rindu kat siti jugak
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
yg penting, perjuangan kita adalah sama

ct says:
camne ni ahking..u tak leh rindu kat i la..

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
kekadang, bukan semestinye tak kata bermaksud tak rindu,,,

ct says:
ahking dear..

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
ye sayang?

ct says:
what do u expect frm me?

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
sebenarye i tak expect ape2 dari siti
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
siti pun da tunang,
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
i pun da tunang
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
2 dunia yg berlainan, tapi 1 perjuangan

ct says:
ok good
ct says:
alhamdulilLah

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
nape? siti risau?

ct says:
tipu la kalo tak risau langsung

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
risau tentang?

ct says:
risau kalau ade yang tersalah paham bile terbace kita nyer conversation

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
tunang siti ade baca?

ct says:
so far, takde la..

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
tapi gf tak baca, bab dia lebih suka guna laptop dia
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
tapi i pun make sure i taksimpan conversation

ct says:
ntah la ahking..i suka kawan dgn u..
ct says:
suka sangat..

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
me too

ct says:
tapi
ct says:
makin u nak kawen, i rase makin bersalah

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
kerana Tuhan ada bagi petanda...
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
kekadang, Tuhan akan tolong kita sekiranye kita tersesat

ct says:
a sign for us to stop?

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
mungkin

ct says:
i wish too
ct says:
but feel hard to let it go
ct says:
pls advice...

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
la....pls advice, da berbunyi cam tu si yuki
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
hehehe
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
anyways
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
we just simpan dlm hati kita
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
tu aje
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
kekadang i pun termimpikan siti
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
tapi....munking ini adalah ujian dari Dia
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
tu make sure kita selalu berjaga jaga selalu

ct says:
terus terang i cakap..
ct says:
ade mase, i miss u..so much

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
i faham
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
sebab i pun feeling camtu

ct says:
tapi i takut kalo perasaan ni still ade walaupun u dah kawen
ct says:
i tak faham knape i ade prasaan camni

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
perasaan ni,
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
it's apa yg kita panggil infatuation
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
oklah, kalau let say
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
i ngan u,
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
kita dua2 lepaskan apa yg kita ade skang
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
dan bersama....
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
adakah kita betul akan gembira,
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
kalau compare ngan pengorbanan kita?

ct says:
i'm not sure
ct says:
mybe not
ct says:
coz kte akan rase bsalah dgn other party

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
tu lah dia sayang
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
dan juga keluarga i,
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
keluarga siti
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
i pernah fikir tentang ni dulu, siti,
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
bukan kali pertama
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
dan pengorbanan dan kepedihan hati kalau berbanding ngan perasaan "suka kejap",
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
adalah terlalu besar

ct says:
in other words, we shud stop rite?

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
ye...

ct says:
ok

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
kita letakkan Tuhan di atas kita, siti
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
atas semua benda
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
dan dengar kata2 Tuhan
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
sebab dalam diri kita,insan biasa ada kelemahan
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
sorry siti....I'm so so sorry

ct says:
sorry for?

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
for cakap camni....
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
bab sebenarnye, i pun tak tahu apa yg patut i cakap atau buat utk buatkan kita rasa gembira balik

ct says:
what do u mean .."i pun tak tahu apa yg patut i cakap atau buat utk buatkan kita rasa gembira balik".. ?
ct says:
jangan rase bersalah cakap pasal kenyataan
ct says:
walaupun pahit, maybe that is the best

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
so sorry siti

ct says:
bile u cakap sorry, i rase macam its caused by me

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
takde siti

ct says:
ye la..mungkin kot

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
it's notcaused by u
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
saya pun bersalah
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
saya selalu panggil siti sayang sayang
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
I'm sorry too
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
siti?

ct says:
yes?

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
kenapa siti diam?

ct says:
sebab rasa bersalah kot

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
siti tak salah

ct says:
i did the same thing
ct says:
at 1st, i did 4 fun..but sometimes, i mean it
ct says:
i'm so sorry//

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
saya pun....
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
it's ok siti....I'm sorry too
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
jgnla sedih tentang ni siti

ct says:
the feeling is still there..now thinking of how to cleanup the disk..

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
disk cleanup boleh punye, hanye lama
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
tapi jgn format la...

ct says:
takut ade bad sector je
ct says:
takpe la..
ct says:
at least kte dah berterus terang

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
actually, i memang all the while i terus terang,
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
i memang confess, i suka kat siti
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
tapi i tau i tak boleh bersama ngan siti

ct says:
u know the different between minat, suka, sayang & cinta?

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
skit2 aje
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
munking siti boleh beritau sikit?

ct says:
ntah la..
ct says:
bagi i..minat is for someone yg kte admire
ct says:
org yg ade ape yg kte suka
ct says:
suka, org yg kte happy bile dengan dia
ct says:
rase senang, selesa..
ct says:
sayang, orang yang kte care..
ct says:
amik berat sangat.. &kte maybe susah hati bile dia susah
ct says:
cinta, susah nak explain..
ct says:
org kata, cinta agung, hanya untuk Allah

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
then, category i ngan siti adalah?

ct says:
i tak tau camne u define i

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
tapi camna siti define i?

ct says:
but for me, i minat, suka & sayang u

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
same here siti

ct says:
but since dah sampai level sayang, tu yang buat i start risau
ct says:
maka, terjadi lah perbualan ni..

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
mit's ok

ct says:
& i'm so sorry for that

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
it's ok
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
jgn rasa camni siti
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
it's ok

ct says:
jgn rase ape?

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
jgn rase sedih siti,
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
please
An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
bab i still do care for your feelings

ct says:
thanks

An apple a day keeps the BillGates away... says:
you are welcome

**********************************************************************************

(That's how my sweetdream is over tonight..

From bottom of my heart, really miss him so much..)

Ya Allah..

Berkatilah perpisahan ini..semoga apa yang aku lakukan ini ikhlas kerana Mu

Mulai detik ini, izinkan aku untuk melenyapkan perasaan ini selagi mana ia terlarang

Tabahkan hati hamba mu ini Ya Allah...

Semoga antara kami masih tetap sebagai sahabat kerana Mu

Ya Allah..

aku serahkan segalanya pada Mu

Andai dia bukan untuk ku, kurniakanlah kami teman yang lebih baik

Semoga Engkau kurniakan petunjuk & hidayah Mu untuk dia dan keluarganya.

Semoga dia tergolong dalam orang2 beriman & taat kepada Mu...

Ari ni aku MC

Bro...
aku amik MC ari ni. Hope you'll be happier when i'm not around. But really miss u bro..
Bro...
if i could...
...choose my good friend, i'll choose u
...stop the time, i just wanted to be with u
...hold anything, i wish to hold your hand
...call someone to cry, hope its you

I'm Cloudy..

Salam...
Kak,
Rase macam dah lama tak menulis. Mungkin sebab "cuaca" sekarang agak mendung.

Kak,
Lately ni saya dah tak brape tegur ngan abang. Saya tak tau dia perasan ke tak. Tapi kadang-kadang, secara tak sedar, saya macam jauhkan diri dari abang. Kenapa ye kak? Sebab dia dah nak kawen ke? Mungkin sebab saya takut kehilangan dia. Ntah la kak... Situasi ni betul2 buat saya teringat kat BE. Lebih kurang je...

Cuma kali ni, he's the one yang saya kenal, baru saya admire. Mungkin saya mula admire dia masa saya tengah stress dengan Angah, or maybe saya agak lonely masa tu. Tapi yang pasti, setiap kenangan dengan dia is lovely things. Bak kata pepatah..kawan ialah someone yang bila kita duduk kat sebelah dia tanpa bercakap apa2, kita akan rasa itu adalah perbualan yang sangat indah..

Kak,

Akak faham ke apa yang saya rasa sekarang? Saya pun tak pasti ape yang saya rasa sekarang tapi perasaan betul2 buat saya lemas & rimas. I have to do something but what is it? Should I talk to him now? But what should I say? Sebenarnye, sekarang ni pun, saya tak berani nak tengok muka dia..

Kak,
Maafkan saya..bukan niat nak susahkan akak but i really need someone to talk..
If you could advice me...please..

He's back

Big bro dah balik...
but still with his long face.. :(
means dia still tak puas hati..
& would like to bring this matter to the big boss..
aku seriau tengok dia camtu..

dah la tadi aku check email, ade email "let's check who doesnt want to chat with you anymore.."
lately ni pun aku rase tak sedap hati..
tapi takpe la..
just acting as usual...
be cool...

Naik Hanginnn

Actually hari ni cuti Nuzul Quran tapi opis aku kje gak.
Aku tak kisah..dah nasib kje kat private..

But someone getting mad because of that..
Ya lorr..previous company dia, besenye cuti.
Maybe dia dah set mind, ari ni public holiday.
Tiba2 baru tau ari ni kitorg kje.
Tu yang dia hangin tuh...

Sebab he's my hero..dia hangin pasal ni pn aku still salute gak.
Ye la..ni holiday untuk Muslim, but he's the one yang argue, kenapa company tak cuti.
But as minority here, that's not the big issue for me.
Setahu aku, ade company lain yang lagi sket depa nyer public holiday.
Sebab tu aku tak kisah..

For my dear hero...
Jangan marah2..nanti cepat tua ;)
Take care...

Dark side of mine

i met someone..
a very nice guy..never met someone like him before.

he said, he likes me.. (me too)
but he has a girlfriend.. (me too)
and he miss me.. (me too)
ahaks..

i do like him but doesnt mean i'm in love..
but i can't deny..he's always in my mind.
Is it wrong?

from one side, i feel guilty...
am i betraying my/his fiancee?

from other side...
there's nothing to be worried.
we are just friend...
just the way we act & communicate will make other suspicious...

yes, we like each other but mostly,impossible to be together
we knew that...

for me..
let's Allah do His job..
i was tired to hope for love..
if there is my destiny, just accept it

Dear my lovely friend..
Glad to meet someone like you
If i can't get married, its good enough to get the chance of knowing you
Take care my dear..

Tanye pada pokok, ape sebab goyang..

Smalam aku tanye diri aku balik...apsal aku terase hati? aku merajuk ke? kenapa lak aku nak merajuk? sape aku nak merajuk? takkan aku nak dia pujuk kot?...

Then aku rase bersalah bile teringat balik pasal smalam..
Dia macam tak senang duduk bile tengok rupa aku lain macam.
2-3 kali ulang alik tempat dia, bukak skype jap, message aku, pastu offline balik...

Hari ni aku tengok dia kering je...seems nothing happen.
No sweet whishes at all.
Maybe dia dah back to normal...So, aku pun kena jadik normal gak.
Ganbateh!

Why do I sad?

Bro..

So suprising..u are still remember that.
But the only thing is, you can't make it 'coz you have something else..
Something that higher priority...

But i'm so sorry, bro..
Suddenly i feel sad about that..
I'm not suppose to feel that..i knew it..
But i can't deny the feeling..

Bro..
Am I wrong?

My Little Bro In Love ;)

So sweet..
He got a new name "Teruna ku"..
Day by day, he becomes more excited..
Keep praying that she's the one..
The one to b his life partner - forever & ever...

Wishing a happy ending for him..
Ganbate neh!

Still remember?

Bro..
You have promised something to me. I'm waiting for it since last week.
Its should be today..Yes, today!
But do you still remember?

Aiya..
Now you went out for lunch..
Sure lupa lohh.. :(

Psst...

Psst..
So sleepy today..